“The Last Action Heroes: The Triumphs, Flops, and Feuds of Hollywood’s Kings of Carnage”, by Nick de Semlyen

 

352 pages, Crown, ISBN-13‏: ‎ 978-0593238806

While I read for any number of reasons, it is knowledge and self-improvement that tops my list – but man cannot live on salad alone, or steak, or poultry and so on; now and again a slice of cheesecake or dish of ice cream is called for. So when I saw The Last Action Heroes: The Triumphs, Flops, and Feuds of Hollywood’s Kings of Carnage by Nick de Semlyen at the Clinton-Macomb Public Library I thought “Ah, what the hell. Ice Cream is back on the menu”. Semlyen’s book is rather like Caseen Gaines’ We Don’t Need Roads: The Making of the Back to the Future Trilogy (reviewed on March 19^th, 2024), in that neither is very challenging or enlightening; many of the tales he tells are familiar and are simply rehashed in this volume. Indeed, while de Semlyen does better than Gaines by in fact interviewing the subjects of this book, the vast majority of those interviews were cribbed from earlier sources, and so The Last Action Heroes resembles a movie montage in which our Hero becomes stronger and faster after five minutes of training.

But so what. De Semlyen has written a memoir of my youth when giants walked the earth, movies were entertaining and an expansive VHS collection was a status symbol. All of these titans of the multiplex are here, along with other, less statuesque stars. Chuck Norris. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Sylvester Stallone. Bruce Willis. Jackie Chan. Jean-Claude Van Damme. Steven Seagal. Dolph Lundgren. One could argue that not all of these names belong, but one cannot argue that each left an impact on popular culture – even if only as punchlines. This testosterone and patriotic fueled era of American movies (not Chan) was a once-a-millennium phenomenon, never to be repeated, and pity the poor fools of later generations who missed out on all of the fun. To be alive and a movie fan at this time meant to be spoiled for choice as to what movie to see every week, even if you were young and broke (like me) and had to wait for HBO to broadcast it or Blockbuster to rent it to you. You know: The Good Old Days.

And we learn a thing or two about these muscle-bound celluloid gods. Chuck Norris was actually a non-violent Christian who would rather talk than fight. Arnold Schwarzenegger is as driven as you have heard with a never-say-die attitude and an immigrant’s faith in America. Sylvester Stallone is as resilient as Rocky (or Rambo) who never lets a bomb get him down. Bruce Willis was as ordinary as you would think who seemed just happy to be mentioned in the same breath as these others. Jackie Chan was an international star who struggled to make it in America but whose stunt innovations influenced others well outside of China. Jean-Claude Van Damme, for all his ridiculousness, is an unfiltered quote-machine who has struggled with his demons and seemingly come out on top. Steven Seagal is truly the humorless asshole he comes across as and one wonders how more successful he’d be with a little self-awareness. Dolph Lundgren is fluent in five languages and was on his way to becoming a scientist before Stallone discovered him.

The Last Action Heroes was a fun read and allowed me the pleasure of reliving my youth when popular culture sought to entertain and not indoctrinate, when movies could be unabashedly patriotic and movie stars were bigger-than-life personalities for all the right reasons.

“Patton, Montgomery, Rommel: Masters of War”, by Terry Brighton

 

480 pages, Crown, ISBN-13: 978-0307461551

Patton, Montgomery, Rommel: Masters of War by Terry Brighton is a kind of broad, triple biography of perhaps the greatest American, British and German generals of World War II (let the arguments begin on that declaration). The book is broadly chronological as it follows its three subjects while they maneuver through their relative country’s military structures and serve the same in peace and war. As is shown, Patton, Montgomery and Rommel served three quite different nations with quite different military establishments and quite different ways of shimmying up the greasy pole of promotion. And I have to say that Brighton, a British military historian, does not shirk his duty in showing us his subjects, warts and all.

While many historians have tried to explain away Johannes Erwin Eugen Rommel’s fascination with and support for Hitler, Brighton shows that the Generalfeldmarschall supported his Führer up to the final moments of his life. His complete acceptance of the Nazi program and belief system (even though he never joined the actual party) is well laid out, and there can be no doubt that he was a fervent supporter of the same and was not just being a “good German soldier” who did not have all of the facts. While no doubt a military genius who did the best he could with his limited resources, Rommel made his share of blunders, although Brighton shows the Desert Fox continuously learning from his mistakes. One can only thank whomever that Nazi Germany never got its act together and fully supplied Rommel with whatever he needed.

George Smith Patton Jr. was beyond just bombastic and profane, as his well-known episodes of losing control and slapping soldiers in hospitals for being cowards are described. Without question the most privileged of the three, Patton had his share of obstacles to overcome, not least of which was dyslexia. And his love affair with the M4 Sherman medium tank over the M26 Pershing heavy tank is inexcusable. But as a tank commander his only equal was Rommel or, more controversy perhaps, Guderian, the true inventor of the Blitzkrieg. As an armor strategist with a clear-eyed view of what the tank could (and couldn’t) do, and what the Allies needed to do to win the war, Patton was brilliant, forceful and without remorse. One can see why Eisenhower tolerated him as he did and why the Germans were right to count him as Enemy Number One.

Surprisingly, coming from a British author, Bernard Law Montgomery comes across as the worst of the bunch, a general who managed to win one battle in one setting and then applied that same philosophy the rest of the way, whether or not such tactics fit the situation at hand. When he does not get the resources he wants, or is denied the command he seeks, he purposely slows his progress down and causes numerous casualties to his fellow commanders as a way of showing that he should have been given this support or command all along. How many thousands of unnecessary casualties were caused by this self-absorption? How long was the war extended by this prima donna? Perversely, Montgomery was the most successful of the three post-war, only because he was the only one to survive the hostilities.

Patton, Montgomery, Rommel illustrates all of this and shows how and why these gifted if difficult leaders of men succeeded and failed, and all without any obvious prejudice. Would that all histories were this enlightening.

“Vengeful”, by V. E. Schwab

 

480 pages, Tor Books, ISBN-13: ‎ 978-0765387523

Vengeful by V. E. Schwab is the second in her “Villains” series and the sequel to Vicious (reviewed on January 26^th, 2026); it is also the second V. E. Schwab we reviewed for the Fraser Public Library Books on Tap book club – after my original choice, the brilliant The Suspicions of Mr. Whicher: A Shocking Murder and the Undoing of a Great Victorian Detective by Kate Summerscale (reviewed on April 8^th, 2021) was nixed by my crew. Harumph. Anyway, in short, Vengeful continues the tale of Victor Vale and his ragtag gang of EOs – short for ExtraOrdinaries…that is, beings with superpowers – as they attempt to carve out a place for themselves in an ever-more-dangerous world. Oh, Eli Ever is still about, imprisoned and the victim of sadistic experiments, and we are introduced to other EOs who make an impact, along with the government agency EON – ExtraOrdinary Observation and Neutralization – that seeks to track and capture EOs. The structure of Vengeful follows that of Vicious, switching back and forth between past and the near-present and forcing the reader to stay on his toes, but I never once found it to be confusing.

Let’s face it: most sequels suck, but Vengeful does that which all sequels attempt to do; remains sufficiently loyal to the original work to bring the loyal fanbase back while being satisfactorily different to justify its existence. The key elements are back, with new Villains added to our returning characters and an expansion of the world Schwab has created. EOs are a recognized thing now by the powers that be (and their reaction is about what you’d expect) and everyone tries to maneuver through a new world in which the rules are still being written (oh, and Schwab manages to make Eli Ever sympathetic, if you can imagine). But if Vengeful has a theme, it is desperation. Victor is desperate to be himself again, his resurrection at Sydney’s hands having broken him. Eli is desperate to be free, having been in prison since the end of the last book. Sydney is desperate for her sister’s company and contemplates her resurrection. Marcela is desperate for power and the respect she has been denied her whole life. June is desperate for revenge against those who wronged her. Stell is desperate to capture EOs and see them tamed and broken.

All of this desperation leads people to make some morally gray decisions, and Schwab really gets inside of her character’s heads in order for You the Reader to truly understand their motivations and what drives them along. Really, it is a writer of rare talent that can make Villains sympathetic, but Schwab does it time and again, making you consider and reconsider their moral values – and your own. Her characters don’t necessarily want to cause death or destruction (well, not all of them, at any rate) but really just want revenge on the people who hurt them and security in a world that hates them. All of which are very human and all-too recognizable motivations (minus the superpowers, that is). This moral ambiguity leads to many a deep discussion, both with others and yourself, and the fact that there are no easy answers to any of these questions just adds to the book’s appeal. I have no doubt that Schwab will be writing about more Villains in the very near future and I, for one, look forward to reading more about these utterly fascinating and very maddening (and recognizable) people very soon. Even if they are the “Bad Guys”.

“1913: The Year before the Storm”, by Florian Illies

 

268 pages, Melville House, ISBN-13: 978-1612193519

Back on August 10^th, 2022, I reviewed 1913: In Search of the World before the Great War by Charles Emmerson, and said that “I wanted this lost world to be brought to life once again, even if briefly, but it wasn’t. There are facts and figures and allusions and discussions and so on and so forth, but this is just dry knowledge…While 1913 is an interesting global tour of the world of 1913, it in no way brought this world back to life, and it sadly remains hidden still”. And so it was with this in mind that I got 1913: The Year before the Storm by Florian Illies, a German writer and art historian – for free, for reasons too opaque to go through here. Ask me about it sometime.

1913: The Year before the Storm is divided in twelve chapters, each corresponding to a month in this last full year of peace; each chapter in turn is made up of a series of vignettes of something interesting that happened at that time, many in Germany and Europe (well, what did you expect from a German author?). No verse. No poetry. Just a chronology of stuff, much like the aforementioned and maligned 1913. And so I am seemingly right back to where I started, with a dry recording of facts in which this happened and then that happened with no magic occurring and no spirits lifted by a lost world brought back to life, even if only in our minds.

Only…this 1913 does what the other 1913 did not; brings this world, dead by mass suicide committed on a global-scale, to life once more. You wouldn’t think that this was so, seeing as all it is are accounts of mostly famous people doing their things: politicians politicking, artists painting, singers singing, musicians playing and on and on – but somehow Illies accomplishes that which Emmerson failed to do: breathe life once more into a world long dead. Perhaps it is because Illies allows his subjects to speak for themselves, as it were; he steps back and observes their goings-on while narrating what is happening, never interfering with his own input.

Or perhaps it is because Illies chose to go small scale rather than large: by focusing on the lives of persons – not ordinary persons, but all the same – rather than on places or policies or politicians, he made his book more intimate and relatable to you and I. As these folks go through their days with Armageddon mere months away, we see them as we would ourselves, with their concerns both sacred and profane dominating their lives and motivating their actions. Just like us, today. This, I think, is Illies’ secret: by focusing his tales on the small he in fact encompasses so much of this lost world and makes it breath again, if only in our imaginations.

1913: The Year before the Storm resurrected this lost year and made me yearn for a world long dead – and I don’t know why, seeing as there is little to recommend this dead place to a fella such as I. Perhaps on some level I am fascinated by an entire society that saw cultural seppuku as preferable to the way things were, all without knowing the blood and terror that would ensue when this (admittedly unjust and flawed, though stable) culture imploded. Or maybe it’s just that I miss all of that Edwardian fashion. Regardless, Illies has done us all an invaluable service in making 1913 live once more, if only briefly.

“The NHL: 100 Years of On-Ice Action and Boardroom Battles. A Centennial History” by D’Arcy Jenish

 

448 pages, Anchor Canada, ISBN-13: 978-0385671484

Hockey has been a part of my whole life thanks to my Dad; he was a dyed-in-the-wool Detroit Red Wings fan from the day he was born and thrived and suffered with his team through thick and thin. I was never much of a sport fan growing up – indeed, for many years I was actively hostile to sports of any kind – but that changed upon my maturity, and I’m glad I was able to share in another of my Dad’s passions before he passed (the others were Formula 1 racing and the American Civil War). But I was still ignorant of so much, and so when I stumbled upon The NHL: 100 Years of On-Ice Action and Boardroom Battles. A Centennial History by D’Arcy Jenish I saw it as a way of correcting this particular flaw and jumped at it.

Published in 2016 as a celebration of a century’s worth of professional hockey, Jenish’s book traces the foundations of the NHL from before it’s official founding a decade later (with ten teams, no less; “Original 6” refers to the six teams that survived past that date). It’s all there, too, as the league fights to establish itself, grow the sport in the States, suffers contraction and promotes expansion, struggles with the aspirations of players versus the motives of owners, expands again and tries to adapt to the modern entertainment market. Somehow, Jenish manages to make all of these off-ice machinations interesting – or at least not-boring; thankfully he spares us the minutes of board meetings or lawyerly jargon.

And I must stress that The NHL is a history of the business of hockey; on-ice developments and rule changes are mentioned but typically in passing. The men who made the League – the owners, the coaches and even the players – are what Jenish focuses on, so if you wanted to know how the Icing rule came about or why fighting is tolerated then you won’t like it. I, for one, was engrossed by the backstage shenanigans these hockey-mad businessmen and players got into and how and why the League became what it is today. I may not like all the decisions that were made or the arguments that were launched, but after I finished this book I at least understood why things turned out the way they did.

The NHL was as interesting as it was informative, as I learned how North America’s 4^th Sport was founded and grew and contracted and suffered and thrived and survived. The culture of hockey, the fan base, the history of how the sport came about and developed – these are topics for another book, one I will have to track down.

“I, Strahd: The Memoirs of a Vampire”, by P. N. Elrod

 

309 pages, TSR, ISBN-13: ‎ 978-1560766704

If you’re not a hopeless geek then much of what I’m about to relate will be simply obtuse to you. Deal. So, I, Strahd: The Memoirs of a Vampire by P. N. Elrod is the tale of Count Strahd von Zarovich, the big baddie in D&D’s Ravenloft Campaign Setting, as told by himself (and read by Dr. Rudolph van Richten, TSR’s answer to Prof. Abraham Van Helsing). Within, we discover just who and what Strahd is and how he came to be. Essentially, young Strahd, frightened by his own mortality and driven by jealously of his younger brother, commits a horrific crime to achieve both immortality and his one true love, only to be denied both by the evil powers he dealt with (well, whataya want; they’re evil, aren’t they?). And all told by Elrod, a modern-day master of the fantasy horror genre (circa 1993).

Beneath Elrod’s pen, Strahd becomes more than just a one-dimensional answer to Dracula. We see the young Strahd, powerful warrior and brilliant leader, slowly succumb to the doubts and shadows that plague all men as he proves to be mortal after all. As he relates his tale to us, the Reader, we follow his thinking, relive his agony and share his doubts until, quite surprisingly, one finds themselves sympathizing with the monster and almost urging him on. It is a rare feat indeed to make a sympathetic villain, but Elrod succeeds. Incredible read for any fan and, I would argue, for anyone looking for a fresh vampire story. Yes, yes, yes, I, Strahd plays on every vampire trope under the sun (heh), but there is something to be said on how much this novel encourages one to sympathize with the devil.

If you familiar with Curse of Strahd – perhaps, like me, as the module’s Dungeon Master – you already know how this story ends. But that doesn’t stop you from savoring every scrap of hope Strahd allows himself, and you join him desperately wishing for an impossible happiness.

“The King Whisperers: Power Behind the Throne, from Rasputin to Rove”, by Kerwin Swint

 

336 pages, Union Square Press, ISBN-13: 978-1402772016

The King Whisperers: Power Behind the Throne, from Rasputin to Rove by Kerwin Swint is about those shadowy figures who lurk in every government, whispering in the king’s ear and all but ruling the kingdom in fact, if not in name (I would love to know the names of the people who did so in the Biden Administration). Swint has subdivided these whisperers into ten distinct types: The Machiavellians, Empire Builders, Kingmakers, Spies, Silver-Tongued Devils, The Generals, The Rebels, The Truly Evil, The Fixers and Schemers; he further provides thumbnail sketches of forty-one examples of men (and some women) to illustrate each type.

Swint’s format should find broad appeal for the novice historian, although I expect that the expert will be rather bored, if not offended by the many mistakes (it was never “The Empire of Germany” but rather “The German Empire” is but one of many examples). But the unique subject matter should appeal to both, seeing as those bright, shiny crowns so easily distracted us poor peons from who were really calling the shots. And, seeing as this is but a primer on the subject, this book also sparked interest in finding out more about these shadowy figures for whom pomp and circumstance were anathema, but who craved power and influence all the more.

These types of individuals are fairly good representatives of the archetypes named in each chapter and, if I may be so bold, I found I was more interested in those I had never heard of versus the more famous names. Swint also doesn’t confine himself to one era, nation or region, but likewise attempts to spread the blame around to all and sundry. The one problem I had with this approach was his inclusion of more modern figures; while many of these persons may, in fact, fit the profiles he has established, it seems to me that he was hurrying things and not allowing the flow of history to sweep them along – perhaps he was trying to be relevant?

Anyway, The King Whisperers works as an introductory work that, hopefully, will whet your thirst for more detailed, meatier faire.